Don’t be mad. Take notes.

Any of my friends will tell you, I love to talk shit. There’s nothing that satisfies like a tasty morsel of idle gossip or wild speculation, especially if it doesn’t involve me or anyone I know whatsoever. 

But one thing you need to know about me is I’m real moralistic about it, or so I like to think. 

A friend from college recently told me a story about myself from my days at LSU. This friend was in a sorority, and this sorority was recruiting. I don’t know the terms for it. Part of their recruitment process was finding out the “dirt” on the would-be sorority sisters, so my friend messaged me to get the tea on a potential sister she saw I was friends with on Facebook.

According to her recollection, she messaged me asking what I knew about the girl, and I wrote back something to the tune of, “We have a class together, I don’t know her well enough to speak to her character, and if I did, I wouldn’t be telling you behind her back.”

Absolutely fucking ice cold, in retrospect, but apparently it made a big impact on the friend who was telling me the story, and it made her rethink her ask. 

I loved hearing her retelling, because I love hearing flattering stories about myself, duh, but also because it revealed the thing people often get wrong about me. 

It’s hard to explain that while I love to talk shit, I really only relegate it to those who deserve it, those who have earned my ire.

That said, I often have friends, fellow entrepreneurs and even clients come to me with petty jealousies and wanting my thoughts. Really, they want me to get just as riled up as they are. 

“They copied my branding/my logo/my campaign!”

“She was only able to grow/scale/invest in that new equipment because her dad/husband footed the bill!”

“Can you believe his agency landed that contract? They were totally unqualified.”

They want me to jump on the shit talking train. They want their fears to be heard and validated. And unfortunately, they’ve come to the wrong place.

My usual response? 

Don’t be mad, take notes.

They copied your branding? Your logo? Your campaign?

How flattering. Time to innovate, trendsetter. Invent the next thing that’s going to set you apart. Take it as a compliment.

She got funding from elsewhere?

Wow, isn’t it amazing what happens when you have access to more resources. Why don’t you consider pitching to investors or applying for a business loan?

His agency got the big contract?

They must have had a pretty compelling pitch or knew the right people. How can you improve your pitching skills? Or maybe it’s time to focus on networking?

Especially if you’re currently in a flop era, or your business/brand/project isn’t going as well as you’d hoped, I’m holding zero space for you to hate on someone who’s killing it.

You’ve got options: let yourself drown in those feelings of bitterness or use your jealousy as a gut check. That person has something you want, perhaps something you don’t let yourself want out loud. Take this as an opportunity to acknowledge your Big Wanting.

Maybe you wanted more fanfare when you rolled out your new logo. Maybe you want financial backing, but you don’t know how to go about it. Maybe you want bigger contracts, but you don’t have the skills yet to land them.

See jealousy for what it really is: a big neon sign pointing out THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WANT.

Instead of being mad at someone else for having what you want, take notes. Peek at their playbook. Hell, reach out to them and ask for mentorship or collaboration. Once you honor the want, it’s up to you to put together the plan of attack. It’s on you to get that need met.

I want to leave you with a quote from Women Who Run With The Wolves, my holy book (p. 124):

“The first question is this: ‘What do you want?’ Almost everyone asks some version of this, just as a matter of course. But there is yet one more essential question, and that is; ‘What does your deeper self desire?’... when the woman’s wildish nature rises from her depths and begins to assert itself, she often has interests, feelings and ideas which are quite different from those she expressed before.”

The next time a wave of jealousy hits, ask yourself the “more essential question” and let yourself explore your deeper self’s desires. 

<3

Syd