a simple way to figure out what you want

What do you want out of life?

I find myself exploring this question a lot. Seems simple on the surface, but in my experience, so few know how to answer this deceptive little question. 

Often, we focus more on the “how” than the “what.” We’re so hung up on how to get what we want that we sometimes lose sight of how the wants got there to begin with. 

Some of us are nursing long-expired wants. Some of our wants have changed, and we haven’t even noticed. Our wants may sometimes not even be our own; they can be inherited from our families or instilled in us by our communities. Sometimes what we think are “wants” are actually the painful remnants of unhealed wounds.

So how do we know what it is we actually want? 

In my practice, I often have my clients do something I call “taking stock honestly.” Taking stock honestly means asking yourself in plain words, “What is it that I want,” and being open to receiving the answers that bubble up, no matter how big or unexpected or uncomfortable they may be. 

If we don’t know what we want, what we truly desire, we cannot begin the process of setting goals and hammering away at them. Without “taking stock honestly,” we’re putting the cart before the horse. 

I want to walk you through the series of journal prompts and exercises I use with most of my clients to help them take stock honestly and discern their deepest wishes before we get started on building the life and business of their dreams. 

Be warned! This process can be heavy and emotionally intense, especially when the chasm between your current existence and the life you desire feels wide. 

Further, taking stock honestly is not something you do just once. 

It’s a place you visit again and again, frequently checking in with yourself. The more you take stock honestly, the more attuned you will become to your shifting wants and the more easily you’ll be able to course correct when your actions are no longer aligning with your desires. 

Step 1: Take stock honestly. On a blank sheet of paper, in your notes app, in a Google Doc, describe your life where it stands now. Where are you at? What’s not working? What do you wish was different? The key here is to be honest and ruthless.

Step 2: Dreamscape. Perhaps this is something you can journal about, or perhaps it’s an idea to meditate on. Whatever works for you. Envision your dream world. Live inside it. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What do you notice around you? People, places, things? 

Step 3: WANT BIG. Compare your notes from your “take stock honestly” session with your dreamy meditation session. What are the differences between these two realities? Where there’s a gap, there’s a want. Ask yourself “what is it that I want” and answer honestly, even if it’s messy. Even if it’s taboo. Your answer may surprise you. 

Step 4: Seek inspiration. Once you’ve identified some of your wants, look for them in the wild. Who are the people who have what you want? What do you admire about them or their approach? Find them, follow them, reach out to them for mentorship or just to share a compliment. Their very existence is proof of what’s possible for you.

Step 5: Make time for silence. In a world inundated with external stimuli, create a daily silence practice. Start slow, perhaps 5 to 10 minutes per day, while you’re showering or eating, maybe during your commute. No music, no books, no podcasts, no screens. Just alone time with yourself, for yourself. The goal here is to listen for what bubbles up from your innermost self when you create distraction-free space regularly. 

If you’re feeling up to it, I urge you to try out these prompts and exercises and see what comes up for you. Let me know if you have any big realizations! And if you want to work more closely together on defining your wants in a safe, judgement-free container, you know where to find me.